Emerald Cup in the Emerald City = bizarre

Oh heck, I just got back from the Emerald Cup, which was so bizarre I do not know where to start to tell you about it. First of all, there were a zillion booths for fitness people with all these energy, protein or vitamin-packed foods and drinks guarenteed to make you HUGE and RIPPED (and they all had crazy names like AB BUSTERS and POWER HOG and other testosterone laden monikers, though they all obviously wanted the bodybuilding ladies to try their wares, too...but they were acting like used car salesmen combined with drug dealers. There was one guy there selling chocolates that had so many different kinds of nut butters and vitamins and minerals in it that each little chunk they were giving away felt as heavy as an anvil. I assume that the people attempting to eat the chocolate samples had to have muscular gums and a sturdy jaw, because they were unable to bite it off with their front teeth alone.
The whole booth area was crowded and creepy. Of course, because I was the ONLY woman in the entire building who had a fat belly, I was like the turd in the punchbowl; people were avoiding even looking at me, as if I were contagious.... I wanted to put a sign around my neck that said "Watch Out! I have fat cells and I know how to use them!"
There were overweight men there, but they were somehow accepted, like it's okay for guys to be big and fat, but it's a sin for women. It seems ironic to me that in the midst of so many muscular women who could kick any guys butt, there was all this sexism and an obvious double standard.
Their "Security" guys were all under age 20, and most had serious acne, and kept looking furtively at the women in their little bikinis, even though at least half of the women on stage were easily old enough to be their mothers or grandmothers...paging Dr Freud! Then I went backstage to interview Janice, and had to navigate between all these women who looked like they'd been dipped in walnut varnish and shellac...and they all smelled greasy with this sort of mildewed gardenia-ish scent underlying it, I assume to cover the stench of this awful dark spray tan they make all the women wear. It made Janice look like an Oompa Loompa, but I couldn't say that, of course. Poor Janice, having to deal with all these women who had twice the body fat she does with triple the ego, and most of them had plastic boobs that looked like helium balloons. She was the shortest, but most fit woman there, and there were no surgical enhancements added to her physique. I was proud to be covering her first Emerald Cup appearance. Janice had brains, class and a rockin' bod, and she shone like a diamond among the costume jewels. Anyway, they had two big screen TVs, and they were showing commercials for the sponsor when all of a sudden they flashed on this picture of the world, with a voiceover of this guy reading the first few graphs of genesis in the Bible, about the earth being created, etc...then they flash this sentence about "Six Thousand Years Later" and show the World Trade Center bombing, the floods, the hurricanes, destruction, mayhem, and a final photo of George Bush waving from some kind of big military copter or plane, and then they flash the sentence "Behold, for I am coming soon. Jesus Christ."
And I was thinking WTF? What was that all about, in the middle of the commercials for power drinks and such? It was just out of nowhere. Then we get to meet the MC, Kim KONG Farrison, who dresses like MC Hammer crossed with that Indian leader who used to wear the long Nehru jackets in bright colors, whose name escapes me. Anyway, Kong, as he is fondly known, starts talking about his penis in the middle of the figure competition. Again, WTF? I mean, ewwww. Do I really want to know that he can't do a military push up because his dick won't let him get more than three feet down to the ground? Or that he uses it as a personal floatation device? No, I do not need to know that. On the way home, we followed a guy in a truck out of Bellevue who actually had a pair of big fake testicles attached to the hitch on his truck so they swung right in the sight line of whomever was behind him. I could only assume he came from the Emerald Cup...I have no proof other than his tackiness. So I got up and left an hour and half or so into the show because it was running late, and the bikini competition wasn't going to happen for another hour, and the sleet and hail were coming down fast. I would never have allowed my child into that room, because the show became X-rated as soon as Farrison stared his groping of the contestants and his penis patter. What could have been a classy event became trashy, which is sad. I also felt that the show could have moved much faster if they would have moved the "fitness barbie" and her routine and subsequent totally unnecessary "academy award" speech thanking everyone she's ever known to the end of the show. I do not care who made her strategic-holes unitard, nor do I care about her personal religious beliefs. I was there to watch the figure and fitness competition for Janice. I also could have done without the muscle-head who came out and did a live commercial for his homemade fitness video and POD book. Why couldn't he have a video commercial on the big screens like all the other sponsors?

The All Janice Week of Agony

I have to say that Janice is looking great these days, as she's going to compete next week in the Emerald Cup, the largest amateur bodybuilding competition in the nation. Those of us who didn't think she had any weight at all to lose on her muscular 5 ft frame have been astonished at the 20 pounds that has come off of her since January of this year.
She hasn't softened up at all when it comes to kicking out butts in exercise classes, however, and this whole week, which was spring break for the local schools, and hence vacation for all the usual WIO instructors.
That left Janice and Danielle to run all the classes every day, and I have no idea how Janice managed to do it without getting really sore and grumpy. But, she seemed just fine as she kicked our butts last night in kickboxing class. Janice is nothing if not consistent, and way more fit than anyone else on the planet.
Monday in cardio lift, Janice had us working out our shoulders and backs until we were all groaning. Then Tuesday's Pilates proved to be one long glute and abdominal exercise, while Wednesdays balls and weights was all about the squat and the harrowing of our hamstrings and quads. My lats still hurt and my Winne-the-Pooh abs have been sore and seizing up on me all week. Fortunately, today I had a doctors appointment and was able to miss class for the first time in 5 days (I took spin with Angela last Sunday). Now tomorrow I am weighing whether or not to go to Saturday surprise class and then also go to spin on Sunday, or to just sleep in and let myself have another day off. I should be out walking right now, because its the first beautiful, warm and sunny day that I've seen this year. But I just feel like being a slug, oddly enough.
I must note that my exercise is paying off in how I look to others, as when I flew back to Iowa this past week for my best friend's funeral, I got more male attention than I have in more than 20 years. My friend Roger called me "caliente" and was very complimentary about my looks in general, which was refreshing, as my husband tends to ignore me. It's nice to be oogled and viewed as sexy by the opposite gender. It made me feel young and alive. And I am certain that I wouldn't have lost 40 pounds and be looking as toned as I do had it not been for Work It Out Womens Fitness and their classes and boot camps.
Now if the next 60 pounds would just slip off of me, I could be all ready for my 30th high school reunion early. I am going to try to find a food plan that works better for me in keeping me from being hungry while still getting enough nutrition, and I need to shake my horrible sugar addiction.
I've had thoughts, prior to my Iowa trip, about just giving up and letting my body go back to its ponderous size. But then I think about how far I've come, and though I have still got a long way to go, I don't want to go back to struggling to find clothing that fits. I also feel as if I am strengthening my heart and adding years onto my life, years that I am going to need to raise my little boy to adulthood. As the sign says in the WIO gym, "It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years!"