Baby Got Front

We listen to Sir Mix ALot's "Baby Got Back" in several of my spin classes at WIO, and two of the instructors have favorite lines they like to sing out from the song. For adorable Angela, who claims she has a "ghetto bootie" (I think her bootie looks just fine, myself) always sings "You get SPRUNG!" at the top of her lungs, while Laura, who looks like an Amazon warrior woman, all 6 foot red-haired and hour-glass shaped, sings out "My anaconda don't want none less you got some buns hon!" and does a little bike dance while she's singing it.
But one thing I've noticed lately is that there are no paens to chubby bellies--no guys grunting about how they can't wait to "get the friction on" with those of us who have Winne the Pooh abs, upholstered bellies or even a small paunch-pounch, like a kangaroo.
I think that's horribly unfair.
After all, just because my avoirdupois sticks more to my middle than my butt and thighs, why should I be considered less sexy, less gropable than my pear-shaped sisters? So I got some serious "front" instead of "back"--I still can have it goin' on, can't I?
So I've got abs of marshmallow instead of abs of steel--it doesn't mean I don't work very hard 6 hours a week to try and strengthen and tone my body during a variety of exercise classes. I grunt and groan and lift and jump and run with the rest of them, and I don't complain, I just DO it, but even though I can feel my core muscles getting strong, you can't see them because they have a layer or three of spongy fat over them.
And unlike Janice, who had three c-sections and doesn't have more than a teeny-weeny scar to show for it, I have a scar that looks like I was operated on by Freddie Kruger...it goes from one hip to the other, and up towards the doughnut hole that is my belly button. I also have a silver-dollar-sized scar from having a Jackson-Pratt drain inserted into my c-section to let blood drain off after I had Nick. So there's no chance I'm ever going to wear a bikini, even if I do lose another 65 pounds.
Still, I want to get down to 165 by next summer, and I figure most of that weight is going to have to come off of my belly and back and upper arms. I have no idea how I'm going to get the weight off, especially since I can't live without carbohydrates. High protein diets are for people with very sturdy livers and hearts. I don't have a sturdy liver, and I just know that ketosis would slay me and set my Crohns into long-term spasm mode. I am also averse to starving myself, or eating only one kind of food, or giving up on anything that tastes sweet for the rest of my life. What kind of life would that be, never eating food that tastes good?
I'm a sensual person, with a passion for tastes, smells, touches and sounds that are pleasurable. I do not want to have to shut down my sense of taste for a year so I lose any interest in food.
Hence, I am praying for a miracle, a genuine solution to come to me in the nick of time, one that will help me get this last 65 pounds off in a way that I can easily live with for the rest of my life.
It's going to happen. I can feel it.
Meanwhile, I am waiting for the universe to send me a fun workout buddy who won't mind holding me accountable and being a good friend at the same time.
There's a part of me that's been whispering that I really don't need to lose more weight. I work out, after all, and I fit into a size 18-20, which isn't outrageous, and I have a husband, so I'm not out to find a man that I need to be svelte for, obviously....he loves me just the way I am.
But I keep thinking of that high school reunion in 2009. I dream of seeing the handsome guys I had crushes on, of watching them drool over my fabulously fit body, and enjoying the revenge of seeing them as bald and pudgy old men, so I can reject them as they once did me...of course I could never treat them with as much contempt and cruelty as I was treated to for four long years at Ankeny High School, but still. And I dream of having a sultry affair with an old high school flame, of enjoying the play of athletic, toned muscles during sex. I am sure the fantasy is much richer than the reality, but it calls to me.
At any rate, I need to keep going and not take so many steps back as forward. I need to appreciate how far I've come, and allow myself to get the body I want within the next year. As the lovely Suzanne always says during the more grueling moments of Pilates class, "Yes YOU CAN!"