An Apology and Other Things I Do Not Like To Admit

Janice Zander, co-owner of Work It Out Women's Fitness, my beloved gym of choice here in Maple Valley, apparently found some things on this blog that set her off after googling her own name (always a dangerous practice, I've found, as it inevitably leads to finding out that someone has hijacked your work or that someone hates you or both).

She claims I said she was mean and never modifies her workouts for those of us who are, shall we say, slower and more cumbersome due to some additional avoirdupois around our midsections.

While I don't recall saying she was mean, ever, I do recall discussing her lack of breaks for water and breathing during workouts and the fact that she pushes people in her classes to work to their physical limit. And though she has allowed me to modify aspects of her workout (mainly because I could not physically do certain things, like a backwards crab walk up a steep incline, or a wheelbarrow across a room...come on now, how do you expect me to heft that much body weight up that way?) she is not inclined to make things easier for participants in her class. But that is because Janice has very high standards, and she's not one for coddling those she's training. She figures if she can do it, so can you. Though I outweigh the woman by 120 pounds, I believe she feels that I should be able to accomplish most, if not all, the exercises she sets forth. So I try, and even when I fail, I never feel bad about it because Janice doesn't give up on me, and encourages me to try again until I can do it right.

It is because of that "never give up" attitude and will to succeed that Janice has won two trophies in only her first year of figure and fitness competitions, and that attitude has also helped me to survive her tough boot camp this past summer, and lose 43 pounds over the last two years. Carol Kayler's help and advice for my first boot camp was also invaluable. These two women, Carol and Janice, have literally changed my life. They've helped me see that fitness isn't just something you do for a short time, it is a habit for life. They've helped me uncover my comfort-food stressed out mama eating habits, they've pointed to my portion problems and they've believed in me and my health and fitness journey when I didn't believe in myself.

Let me be clear here: I LOVE these two women from their toenails to their hair folicles. I would swim the English Channel in a thong for them, though I am sure I'd scare away all the fish. Carol Kayler is an amazing, lovely human being and a strong, smart mother to her children, and I aspire to be more like her with my own child all the time. Janice is also an amazing human being, and she's raised three handsome and wonderful sons who are a credit to their gender, which is saying something considering the bad press that teenage boys get these days. She's not only given me valuable insight into raising a boy, she's also helped me to understand my own husband and how he thinks and deals with life. And I've watched Janice get on a stage with little or nothing on, smile and flex her muscles and deal with photographers and a crowd of people without flinching or showing her natural reticence and reluctance for posing and displaying her body. Though there is a shyness to Janice, she hasn't allowed it to stop or even slow her rise to fame and fortune in the bodybuilding/fitness competition arena.

In creating an article about Janice's journey for American Fitness, I was amazed at all the hard work and diligence that went into a few minutes of flexing and smiling on a stage for judges. Then, as is her modus operandi, Janice took it to the next level and started working a fitness routine requiring moves like a one-handed push up and leaps into the air, splits and dance steps that left onlookers at the gym breathless at her strength and agility. Janice is all of 5 feet tall and weighs maybe 110 pounds, 99 percent of it muscle. Still, most people would never guess that she's stronger than most men, and can put them through an obstacle course that will have them gasping and weeping like babies by the time they're through. I am astonished that I was able to make it through her boot camp this summer without having to have CPR performed on my pudgy body. There were several times there when I was certain I was going to puke, pass out or pop an artery. It is to Janice's credit that I didn't. And though I was always the last person to finish any given run, exercise or obstacle course, she never made fun of me, laughed or let me give up. She always encouraged me to keep at it, and though I was always trying to find an easier way to do things, she didn't get hacked off, she just made me keep at it until I made it through.

So again, let me be clear: I in no way intended to disparage Janice Zander. She's an amazing personal trainer, boot camp/ class instructor, drill sergeant, wife and mom and all around incredible person. I am honored to know her, and though I am a big lump of whiney wimp a lot of the time, she has yet to shun me or give up on my progress. How can you not love that about a person? Please allow me to apologise profusely, and knock my forehead against the floor in abasement. Forgive me?

Janice's classes are tough, and anyone would tell you so, but challenging yourself is important when you are trying to be physically fit, or at least healthier. I am always wiped out when I finish one of her classes, but I also feel a sense of accomplishment and pride that I didn't pass out, puke or die during class. Janice has given me faith in my ability to overcome my belly and Crohns and Asthma to become a healthier person.

Meanwhile, on the list of other things I'd rather not admit, my husband has been watching me have more Crohns attacks per day this month and has noticed that I've been sick since the end of May with Crohns flares, which are no fun at all, though I have caught up on some of my reading (what else is there to do in the bathroom for hours when you're in pain?).
However, I didn't want to admit that this whole roller coaster began when I stopped taking Nortryptaline at night,on the advice of my cardiologist who said it might be the cause of my irregular heartbeat and palpitations that woke me at night. In the past 4 months, my heart palpitations have all but disappeared, but I was getting up every morning with a flare and going to bed every night with one, and taking lots of percoset to stop the pain. So on Jims suggestion I took two Nortryptaline last Wednesday night, just to see if it would help. I'd already increased my dosage of my other Crohns medications to their full limit, and I'd added Levsin and Lomotil to the roster of pills, but they weren't helping me at all.
Thursday was the first day in a long time that I didn't have a flare. So I took only one Nortryptaline, which was the dosage I'd stayed with previously, Thursday night, and Friday came and went without a flare. I've been having at least one episode of pounding palpitations every night, though, and I am finding it hard to fall asleep, as the Nortryptaline makes me nervous, but I've been without a flare since last week, and I am loving it.

I'm uncertain whether it is worth it to just have the irregular heartbeat and horrible sugar cravings and weight gain that come with this particular pill, or whether I should just bear up under the pain of a continual Crohns flare. I hate pain, but I've worked so hard to lose weight, I hate to start gaining it again, too. It is hard to admit that hubby was right about the Nortryptaline, though, but in the long run, he just wants what is best for me, I suppose. Now it is up to me to find a new gastroenterologist or to just deal with my heart racing and some insomnia.