Metabolisms are UNFAIR

I've been contemplating why it is that I got stuck with a slower-than-molasses-in-January metabolism my whole life, when there are people out there who can eat well and all day long and not gain a pound.
Two examples that have crept up on me:
Michael Phelps, the Olympic swimming phenom, was being interviewed by Anderson Cooper on a news program last night. He sat down for lunch with Cooper, and ordered THREE full sized entrees. I assumed that he was going to share one with skinny old Cooper, but no, Cooper had to order his own because Phelps said he was hungry and was going to eat ALL three meals himself. He noted that the press has inflated the amount of calories he consumes per day to 12,000, when in reality he only eats anywhere from "8 to 10,000 calories a day, because if I don't, I can lose from 5 to 10 pounds a week." ARG! This, said with a complete deadpan delivery, like its the most normal thing in the world to consume over a weeks worth of calories in a day.
Of course, Phelps is tall, rippling with lean muscle, and all of 23 years old, and he swims laps all day when he's not out doing speeches or promoting some product and making millions.
But even if I swam continuously for 2.5 hours, I still wouldn't be able to eat 8,000 calories a day and not gain weight. If I even looked at two slices of white bread, toasted, with a dollop of all fruit jam and a cup of tea, my hips would explode with fat and my stretch marks expand exponentially.
I hate Michael Phelps and his speedy DSL metabolism! Damn it!
Second example, I was in QFC a couple of weeks ago, behind a skinny older gal with brassy dyed red hair (I say that as someone who dyes their hair dark red/brown every two weeks). She was buying 7 bottles of wine (yes, 7, I counted) three kinds of ham, a boutique butter from Ireland, some fancy cheese, croissants, those fancy chocolate laden granola bars that are really just candy bars with a little oatmeal in them, rice krispie treats, a pie and two pints of Hagen Daz ice cream. There were a couple of other things in there, but none of them even resembled a vegetable or raw fruit. She was holding a TWO POUND bag of M&Ms (plain)in her scrawny hand, and told the clerk to scan it so she could put it in her handbag and eat it on the way home. When I asked her if she was having a party, she said "No, this is for me, I'm just stocking up for the week." Let us pause for a moment and consider that this woman is going to dive into two pounds of chocolate on the way home, where she then plans to drink one bottle of wine a night for an entire week. And she will, doubtless, remain thin throughout this orgy of bad foods, and will probably outlive fat old me, though she appeared to be at least 7 years my senior.
It took everything I had not to smack her soundly right there in the grocery store.
Why is it fair that I can't even eat most chocolate now, because American chocolate is laden with dairy products that my colon won't tolerate, and some scrawny old weazel can just suck up pounds of the stuff along with liters of fine wine and not have to worry about her hips exploding exponentially?
@@#$$#%$#^#)+!(&*%^&#^@(#$!!!--(this is my way of cyber-swearing at the unfairness of it all).
I hated that woman for all of the 10 minutes it took her to pay for all her indulgences, get them packed into her cart and schlep out of the store.
I just want to be able to live on breads, fruit and soymilk, with the occasional vegan dessert or shrimp and pasta dish. Is that so wrong? I like veggies, they just don't seem to like me or my Crohns. But I could do without chicken or beef, and I can't eat eggs or nuts due to allergies, so I am left with a very limited choice of foods, and I have to say that the whole grain pastas and breads not only taste bad, they make their way through me way too fast. I love oatmeal, but that also swishes through me at lightening speed, as do the dried fruits (dried cherries, cranberries, raisins, apricots and dates are my favorites) that I love, but can't eat because they not only set my colon aflame, they add pounds to my personage.
It's unfair and it sucks, folks. Just wanted to be sure you caught the theme of my post.
Other than that, I've developed a cold, my nose is stuffy and my head aches. You'd think that would dampen my appetite, wouldn't you? But you'd be wrong. I am still hungry, I am just tired now because I can't sleep well when my nose is blocked. And it's only December 1st! I have a whole month ahead of me where I get to skimp on carbs and try to dodge cold germs and rhino viruses.