Angel on one Shoulder, Devil on the Other

If you grew up in the 50s, 60s and 70s, chances are you saw a cartoon or two with the main character, be it Foghorn Leghorn or Elmer Fudd, who would come to some kind of spirtual or physical crossroads in the cartoon and have to make a decision. Just as they were about to do whatever it is that they wanted, an angel would pop up on one shoulder, counseling the gentle, loving and wise choice, while the devil would sit on the other side, urging the cartoon character to do what made him the happiest, regardless of how it would affect others. It was somewhat like having ObiWan Kenobi on one shoulder and Darth Vader on the other. Use your powers for good, or for evil, who do you listen to?
I go through life with my own personal demon, whom I've dubbed FFW, for Fat Failure Woman, always riding on my shoulder, whispering in my head (and shouting when that doesn't get my attention)"Quit it all, stop working so hard, it's not worth it! Pick up that cookie and go to town, girl! You know you want to, and you NEED to relax and enjoy something that tastes good for a change. Come on, it will all be fine, just succumb!" While on the other shoulder, my angel, who looks suspiciously like my instructors at WIO gym, keeps urging me to get a grip and move forward. "You have done so well, why dive bomb yourself now? You can do this! You are not a coward! Nor have you failed at everything you have tried! Don't give up, tough gal!" I like to think that my grandmother Gail and my best friend Muff, both of whom have passed on, are also working angel detail, sending me supportive and loving feelings when I am down for the count, which has happened a lot lately. Today, on the first anniversary of my friend Muffs death, I'd like to think I have even half the courage and fortitude she showed others during her all too short lifetime.
Though I do try to be brave, in the face of this pile-up of one more bit of bad news after another, I have crumbled and given in to my favorite escape of eating sugary foods like home made oatmeal raisin cookies or vegan bannana bread. While I've kept up with work outs, I am sure I've gained back a bit of the weight I'd lost...perhaps 2 or 3 pounds. That sends my FFW into full screech mode, yelling at me to quit while I am behind. "What happens if your gut explodes and you die, will it matter that you have a few extra pounds to lose?" No, probably not. But since I am still alive, I gotta keep trying, I must move forward and learn to forgive myself, and dodge the fear/anxiety that is around every corner in this terrible economic recession.
I've been praying a lot lately, and that is one plan that I will continue for awhile.
I will deal with each days' struggles as they come, and try not to project my fears into a future I cannot know.