Crohn's Groans

As I sit in pain on the toilet for hours everyday with Crohn's flares, I've had time to contemplate a number of things about life, the universe and my gut.
I find myself wondering if, for example, the spasms that wrack my intestines would hurt as badly if I had a flat stomach, rippling with a 4-pack (*a six pack is too much to hope for at my age).I've noticed that if I hold in my gut muscles, it sometimes helps subdue the waves of pain that I have during a flare.
How do people whose diets consist mainly of rice and beans, those gas producing legumes, manage their Crohns? Do they just break wind a lot after bloating up, or does their body become accustomed to it and not react that way?
Why would anyone want to become a colo-rectal surgeon? Why would anyone dig being a gastroenterologist,for that matter? Yuck. All you deal with all day is butts and guts. How does one acquire granulomas in your gut lining, and why won't they heal up or go away? Why can't surgeons just cut the fat off ones liver, ones belly, ones breasts? Does it actually serve any purpose other than storage of hormones and vitamins?
I often take the time to revise song lyrics to fit the situation while I'm in the restroom. I sing "Pain of Fools" instead of Chain of Fools, Take a piece of my gut, instead of take a piece of my heart, etc. I also hum songs that I find inspirational, like Natasha Bedingfields "Unwritten" and Celine Dions "Because You Loved Me" because they give me hope that the pain will be short lived. I practice breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth in big breaths, and I concentrate on 'surfing' the wave of pain, letting it flow through me. I read books or magazines that are beautiful, and I sometimes light a candle as a form of prayer, to let God know that I am not going to let the suffering conquer me. I use a heating pad on the left side of my belly, where it hurts the most, and often that soothes me to sleep after I've taken all the anti-spasmotics and pain pills that I can safely consume.
Crohns stinks, both literally and figuratively, but when I have a day or even a week without pain, and I make it through an exercise class when I didn't feel well, I know I've triumphed over a disease that has crashed many a colon.